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  • Writer's pictureKirk Jenkins

Cnut Marks His Wedding Day By Disfiguring a Couple of Kids . . . As One Does

Cnut just can’t understand what got into Leofric and Turkillus. Wasn’t I nice and rewarded them with many dubloons . . . or whatever it is we use . . . for their half-baked service? Edricus says yep, but the problem was there weren’t nearly enough beatings.

Cnut remembers . . . The Hostages. Bring Forth the Hostages!!

When Cnut announces his plans to cut the hands and noses off the kids, Edricus comments that death is too good, and hands and noses are less than death, so . . . what, exactly?

Cnut says nah man, this is way better, because if we do this, for the rest of their lives everybody they pass will point and laugh. Or ask ‘em what they did, which is almost better.

The sons of Leofric and Turkillus, who they were . . . well, less than devastated to put at risk, are dragged out. Suddenly Stitch is in the scene (nope, I don’t know why either). When one of the boys announces that he’d sooner cut off his nose himself than have Stitch touch him, Stitch says hey, with no noses everybody will think they’re French.

Yeah, that joke probably killed in the sixteenth century.

So the Faithful Staff does the bloody deed against the two kids, who immediately become, shall we say, significantly more aggressive, and promise Cnut we’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!!

After the kids hobble out the door, a messenger comes running in to announce that Ironside is on his way, and He’s Not Happy!

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