Act II, Scene 2 – Somebody Needs a Costume Change!
Now we have, well, a scene called “Killing Time” which was oh-so-subtly designed to give everybody time for a quick costume change and to get ready for what comes next. Enter Edrick, who we don’t know; his wife, who ditto; and Stitch, and yeah, we don’t know why we should care about him either. But here we are.
Edrick opens the proceedings by telling Stitch Oh, my boy’s comin’, and just wait till you see the kid, all manly and stuff. Stitch wonders how far he is from Southampton . . . apparently he didn’t take the rental car with the GPS built in . . . and “Wife” . . . And can you imagine your memorial being a generic name like “Wife”?. . . says “Why, it’s right ‘cheer.” Oh sorry, they’re English, so it’s “It’s right cheer, Guv’ner.” And even better than that, his Denmarkian magnificence C-nut is right cheer in this here city.
Edricus sashays in. When Edrick says he’s the boy’s father, Edricus says Nah, and you’re a sleaze besides, and here, take this . . . and this . . . and this.
At which point Wife makes things worse. She explains to the audience that actually, Edricus has hit upon something, because Edrick ain’t neither his father, it was an anonymous solder, Naughtius Maximus was his name.
Okay, I went all Monty Python on you again. Never mind.
Wife explains that they’ve brought along Stitch to maybe be a servant to the ungrateful little twit. Edricus explains the duties of a servant in suspiciously complete detail. Stitch changes sides quicker than one of Eddie Ironside’s soldiers and womps the parents all across the stage. And . . . curtain.